It Feels Good Feelin' Good Again

“In His Heart a Man Plans His Course; BUT The LORD Determines HIS Steps - Proverbs 16:9”

I suppose when I read this verse, I am first taken back in the sense that, “So I can plan my course through life and no matter what…GOD Already has determined what steps, what paths I am going to take?” So why does it matter what I do or where I go if GOD already has this planned out for me? WRONG way to think! Though I can easily take this verse as this, I choose to interpret in the way that “I can make all plans that I want to and plan my course through life, and I must know that it is not that they are not my thoughts and my roads I have planned, only that GOD has final say in which path I will take”

This past week has been really trying on my spirits. I have battled major sadness and so much MAD! I have actually found myself asking GOD “Why Us?” “Why Mike and Our Family?” I did this for a few days and then I broke away from the negative thinking and questioning and I prayed. I simply prayed for peace. I did not pray for understanding – it is not for me to understand. I prayed for this to be taken from us and given to GOD completely – for this is bigger than us and we alone cannot “Plan this Course” GOD will ultimately determine our steps.

Believe me this was not as hard this time. I did ask GOD when Mike was first diagnosed and then somewhere along the way, I sort of snuck it back and tried to keep it all to myself and plan this path, this course we were on. Well I will tell you, it is not easy and it only opens doors to allow the Devil insert doubt, confusion, despair and defeat! I felt myself actually stepping outside of my belief and doubting that GOD would do this to us – put this strain and disease on our family, “Why Us?” What had we done to have this happen to us? I suppose I didn’t realize that at first it was the Devil placing these thoughts in my head and my heart – I mean, we are Human and GOD knows that I have these thoughts and it is expected – But you know what? Rather than think these thoughts and continue to have complete trust in GOD, I took the burden back on us and tried to carry it and “Plan” this journey for us – That there my friend was the Devil ensuring me that I could do this all alone.

WRONG! The more burden I took from GOD and placed back on myself and Us, only ensured that my strength would dwindle and I would continue to become weak in this time where I need all my strength! I’m no longer mad, I am GLAD that GOD has only asked one thing of me, of us and this is to Give It ALL to Him and continue to Praise Him! Well I had the Praising him down to a tee, but he is not a big fan of the giving it to him and taking it back – He wants it ALL, as he reminded me today “He Determines OUR Steps”

Mike starts Chemotherapy this week – though we have heard all sorts of stories of side effects and the sickness that may be endured – we are learning to not guess the future – we will allow GOD to Determine HIS Steps.

As always – Mike and I and Our Family continue to thank you for continue prayers – They ARE working and we continue to feel it in our Everyday Lives! We Love you ALL, Far and Wide!!

I have attached some pics of the Bike Ride with our Church we were part of today! It was a beautiful day and It was just what Mike needed to lift his spirits and get that “Feeling Good Feeling” again < ---- A little Robert Earl Keen for ya!

XOOX Lyndie



Follow The Yellow Brick Road

Well in our case, Follow The Green Blocked Carpet...

You know when you arrive at MD Anderson, you are definitely NOT in Kansas anymore. MD Anderson alone employs 28,000 (plus) people! That is an entire city...actually larger than some cities. The times I have been there with Mike, it has been a continuous hustle and bustle and it seems we have been going from appointment to appointment - following the signs all around that direct you to which floor and which elevator (Which after spending a few days there...I will NEVER try to take the elevator of my choice -- they direct you for a reason!) Well the day after Mike's surgery, he had visitors throughout the day and night. The second night of Mike's stay some friends of ours were leaving and I had not seen them in a while, so I opted to walk them to the entrance they came in that lead to their garage. As we were walking being that everything had shut down for the night, it all really looked the same so we stopped a security guard we came across and asked him if we were headed the right way -- he simply said this..."Follow The Green Carpet with the Dark Green Blocks -- those paths always lead to somewhere specific that patients can access." Wow how smart is that? Simply "Follow The Green Blocked Carpet" and you are sure to find your way.

I had never really looked at MD Anderson any different than a huge network of hospitals that heal -- but now it may sound funny, but I think of it as The Great OZ! You know the place...The place The Scarecrow went to get a Brain, The Place where the Tin Man went to get a Heart, The place where the Cowardly Lion found Courage and The place that Dorothy Learned so much and Found a way home, back to Kansas away from the Black Forest that was so scary and she was healed from the negative that consumed her -- though we don't have red slippers, we do have GOD to ensure that instead of tapping our Heels 3 times -- we just continue to believe, pray and Praise him for it all, trust and know that as we give it all to him -- we soon enough will be back 'In Kansas' -- Back to our normal.

That same night after Mike went to bed I had read all the magazines and didn't want to disturb Mike with the TV, so I decided to take a tour using the Green Blocked Carpet and see what I would find. I finally made it down to the Main Entrance and sat in the lobby. It was so quite - there were no valets speeding around wheeling people to their cars. There were no Doctors speeding through the halls with their white coats and blackberries rushing to their next appointments and surgeries. There were no visitors coming through with flowers and balloons asking for room locations to rush a bouquet to offer a patient a smile. It was complete quiet. I sat there and watched the security guard type away a text to someone and from the conversation she had had a few minutes before, she was going out to the club and meeting her man for a drink then out with the gals! I watched an elderly couple coming down and waited for a taxi -- I overheard them tell the security guard they had been there all day doing tests and a treatment and they were just now going to their hotel until tomorrow -- they were from out of state. I saw 2 Doctors and a Nurse chatting away as they headed to the 24/7 coffee shop discussing today's events and Doctor talk .

Sitting there I had a lot of time to think and know that even though our lives have already changed, they will continue to change as we move forward as Mike receives treatments and as hard as I pray that he will react greatly to this as he did his surgery (OMG! I still cannot believe he was home within 48 hours of Brain Surgery) that it may not be that easy, and our days at MD Anderson are not over anytime soon. I also sat there so thankful that Mike and I live only 15 minutes away from MD Anderson -- once he does start to receive treatment we will get to come home to our own home, he will be in his own bed - what a Blessing to have all of this at our fingertips and literally in our backyard.

During our stay also, I met a couple that was in the room right next to Mike. I had met the patients wife while waiting during Mike's surgery and she was allot like me. New to all of this. It was just her and her husband and their cat at home. I reached out to her, I could tell she was nervous and scared just like I was -- just like I am. I had a great talk with her and prayed with her the night before Mike was released to go home. She said since surgery her husband had not walked, talked nor been able to use the restroom. Of course I did not know the answers, nor did I know what exactly to say -- Mike was up and walking the morning after surgery - We were so blessed. I grabbed her hand and asked her to pray with me -- we prayed for her husband, we prayed for her and her family and let GOD know at this time it was beyond any of our control and she must give it to GOD. We chatted a little while longer while Mike went to do his MRI and then we went to bed. The next morning as they were coming in and out of Mikes room prepping to release him, we looked out the door and her husband was up and walking with assistance!! Wow!! She passed by our room and gave a thumbs up -- Our GOD is so Good!! I hugged her as we left and ensured her to never give up belief and trust for our GOD for He made it possible for my husband to be at home and sleep in our bed soon within 48 hours! Sunday we were able to go to church and enjoy a great message and see our new church family -- it was a true Blessing!

In all I know that the journey is far from over -- though it feels like we have been on this 'Yellow Brick Road' for so long now, it has only begun! I continue to pray everyday for instilled strength for My Husband and all that he is about to endure - I continue to pray that GOD heals him from Head to Toe daily. I continue to pray for my own strength, it is already hard - I am facing emotions I never have before - I am fighting battles I have never fought --- I am scared but I know that I will be OK -- I know my Family will be OK -- we ALL will be OK!

In times like this I am realizing how EASY it is to have the feeling of defeat and lose the Positive disposition that I always maintain -- Just as the Devil is working Over-Time to ensure that I feel pain, defeat and sorrow -- I know GOD is working twice as hard with an army of Angels and Warriors to make sure that we are not defeated nor feel pain. With all this I also know that GOD has chosen Mike for a reason -- he has chosen our Family for a reason. I continue to pray everyday that GOD continues to work through us and everyone sees his daily works and in this maybe their faith is restored. I hope they see how great GOD is and how with the Power of Prayer and Faith anything is possible and as we have been told, this IS HIS plan, and I hope he continues to work through us -- it is amazing and I feel truly blessed that we were chosen for this Battle!

I thank you ALL that continue to follow us along this Daily Journey - and ask that never feelings of sadness be felt for us, yet feelings of joy that we were chosen and we are being used daily in peoples lives, not only our own but people near and far! What a Blessing! The prayers continue to work, so keep them coming!!

XOXO

Forgiven BUT NOT Forgotten

Not only because of what Mike is going through at this moment with his battle of Cancer (which he WILL Beat), but because we ALL I feel at times during our lives we think of those we have hurt, ones that we left a relationship with whether a significant other, a friend or anyone that we have been in contact with -- We carry a burden in our hearts of an unresolved situation that forever keeps us from having internal peace.

I decided tonight to write a letter - no specific person in mind, but to anyone that I have affected in my past, anyone that at one time I left with a feeling of sadness, anger or hurt. Developing a relationship with GOD for myself years ago has allowed me to have complete peace in my life. I have reached out to those I have scorned and though I may never have a relationship with these people again, GOD has inserted peace into my soul and though we may not forget, I have been given forgiveness.

I wish you all the strength to face anything from your past that you today have struggles with, no matter what it be -- one of the best things from GOD has given to US is FORGIVENESS with all we have done, all that we do today and all that we will do in the future...


"In fact, the law requires that nearly everything be cleansed with blood, and without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness - Hebrews 9:22"


"Dear _____________, First and foremost, before you allow all the feelings of hate and anger for Me that you have bottled up inside and have held with you for all these years come rushing back, please just read my email. I have prayed that in some way that GOD would speak to Me, show Me that what I go through is something BIGGER than Me, BIGGER than all of us!

Years ago in my early 20’s I made a lot of mistakes, I hurt a lot of people. I had given my heart to the LORD years before and had been baptized, but as a growing process, I ran with the wrong crowd, I made HUGE mistakes and in that I hurt many people. While hurting them at that moment didn’t hurt me, it did later on in my life when I started a new life and realized the feeling in my soul was not at peace. I lived many years unhappy with myself knowing that I had hurt and used so many people and the thought of leaving these relationships un-mended did not sit right with me, and I felt the need to reach out to you and make peace -- ask for forgiveness.

I knew that I was taking the chance of reaching out to you and receiving no response because I have hurt you so bad. I prayed that you would receive my apologies, knowing that it isn't a selfish outreach. Not only for myself, but for you also I want to have the peace I am yearning for.

I have mended relationships with ones that I hurt, and I tell you it is the best feeling. I have cried, I have laughed and knew at that moment that both of us felt peace. I hadn’t thought for all these years that you might be carrying these feelings of resentment for me in the level that you have. It is good for me to hear how I have hurt you and I will be OK with knowing that I made this mistake, these mistakes and thank GOD for the opportunity to reach you and offer my apologies.


It is not because I am facing a life threatening disease or want reassurance - it is because I want peace for you and myself. The Power of Prayer is AMAZING! You were a very strong person in the time that I needed love and attention and rather than embrace this, I chose to rebel and work against everyone that was there for Me during these times and I became self-destructive and not only harmed myself but unfortunately harmed everyone in my path…including you.

Please know that I am not reaching out to you and expecting complete forgiveness – I knows that my actions, some forgivable but not forgettable. I just want you to have peace. I knows that you still hurt and believe me, I am hurt from things people have done in my life, but I have had to forgive and ask for peace and know that we all grow and we change.

I am not making excuses for myself, but I want you as a person that carries this feeling of hurt, to be released from this. I don’t ask you to respond to this, but just ask that you for once release those feelings of hate, dislike and resentment and allow yourself to be free! I wish you continued success in all your ventures. GOD Bless.

Me"

Harleys FROM Heaven

"The LORD is Gracious and righteous; OUR GOD is FULL of Compassion; The LORD protects the simple-hearted; when I was in great need, he saved me - Psalm 116:5-6"

Hi Everyone!! I wanted to share with you all how GOD worked in our life today!

Mike has not been in touch with a close friend of his...Kent for YEARS! HE received a call the other day, Kent not even knowing what Mike and our family are going through, but felt a need to reach out to him -- GOD wanted him to. He showed up this morning with his friends from a local Bike Circuit and created a prayer circle in our front yard!!

It was amazing - Mike felt it and asked The LORD into his heart -- August 21,2010 9:45 AM, A day we will NEVER forget...

"When YOU go into BATTLE in your OWN land against an ENEMY who is oppressing you, sound a blast on the trumpets! Then YOU, US & ME will be remembered by the LORD your GOD and rescued from your enemies - Numbers 10:9"

It has only been 1 month since Mike was diagnosed with Cancer (By the way, CANCER Sucks!), and what seems as a battle we have been fighting FOREVER it has not been that long, and I know we have a long road ahead of us!

In the past few days, I have had many struggles that I have allowed to overcome me. These all include emotions I have never felt, thoughts that I have never thought and battles that I have never battled. Most of these discouragements come from just being nervous of the unknown. We now know Mike's Diagnosis, but I dont know how he will react to treatment, I have heard most get real sick, others I hear do alright. I know no matter what GOD will be with him through this and the battle will be won, but I want to fast forward and be done and have my husband back and back to normal -- no battles.

I also know at this time, Mike and I both along with our immediate family and close friends are experiencing huge amounts of stress and emotions that they too have not been introduced to. I know myself I am on edge and this is the hardest for me not to just be able to take all that comes at me and "battle it out" I am stubborn this way ( maybe it's the Tauras in me). I want to resolve everything NOW -- I don't want to argue with anyone or have something happen that previously I would want an answer as to why this happened...why is this that way...or feel the need to HAVE TO comment and correct something that is urking me -- I know now I am going to HAVE to choose my battles during this time. These are not battles with just Mike, or Family & Friends BUT these are battles that I fight within ME! How crazy is it to battle myself and it seems choosing which battle to fight within myself is harder than choosing which ones to fight with others! Wow!

At this time I end this tonight with this verse that was sent to me ---> "Resist The Devil, and he WILL Flee From You, US & ME! - James 4:7"

Love you ALL and Thank You for being with us in prayers through this journey -- Prayers continue to work -- Our GOD is SO Good!!

XOXO

Turn THAT Frown UPside Down

"Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart - Ecclesiastes 7:3"

I had a VERY good and refreshing conversation with my sister-n-law this weekend. Since the day we have found out of Mike's condition and then to the final diagnosis and now into the brain surgery that will occur and into the treatment he will receive until he is treated and is rid of this disease, I have talked to Maggie A LOT -- more are with questions about what the Doctors are saying, her opinion of what they say, scheduling Mike's appointments with MD Anderson and normal family agenda and goings on.

We enjoyed this past weekend knowing the week that lies ahead with Mike's Brain surgery. We enjoyed a relaxing weekend with family. We laughed, we reminisced and heard stories, we lounged and just tried to focus on our relationships with one another and just for a few moments forget about CANCER! It worked and the time we had was great - it was actually more than great, it was AMAZING and I will remember it for my entire life!

As the weekend ended I thought about a lot of things and had some alone time with Maggie -- I asked "Are you scared?" This is honestly something that as close as Maggie and I are, I hadn't really discussed with her in detail. I had never really opened up to her about what I have been feeling throughout all of this, at least not thus far. As we started to talk I just felt the tears come streaming -- I was crying, I was talking about MY Fears with all that is going on, all that is going to occur and what lies head for Mike, I and our Family. It felt so good!

After talking with her, crying and realizing rather than looking tailored with make-up and looking oh so fine ;) I looked clean, I felt clean -- like walking outside and smelling the fresh smell and the new that is brought after a rain storm, I felt fresh -- My make-up had been washed away, my cheeks blushed and moist from the tears I felt clean -- I felt cleansed!

Now don't get me wrong -- I have VERY Strong Faith and know that this will pass, Mike will be Brave and Strong during surgery, He will go into treatment with his head held high and trust in GOD just as I do that he will be treated and once again as he says -- he will be "Strong Like Bull!" As I have stated Many Many times, GOD has worked in my life Before Mike, During my time with Mike and He will continue to work in My/Our Lives moving forward for many years ahead -- and I WILL continue to praise him and Glorify him to ensure EVERYONE knows how Wonderful our GOD is and ALL that he has done and will continue to do -- for Me, for US and for YOU!

It is not hard to maintain the positivity I carry on the outside -- it is quite easy, because I pray for the strength and courage for myself to live each day to make a difference and I strive to maintain a positive heart, a positive mind and in my actions I hope to bring happiness to someone else that may have doubts or fear -- and reassure that you MUST give to GOD and ask for these things -- You will RECEIVE - not ALWAYS in the time line that you want, but as I have said before - GOD has a plan for Us ALL -- what WE (Mike, Myself and Our Family) are embarking on is HIS plan!

After talking to Maggie in length yesterday I know now it is OK to cry and have the feelings I have also. I was afraid that I would disappoint GOD -- I thought "How can I ask for his Grace and his strength to be instilled in me and yet inside I am scared to death at times and confused and question Why this has happened to MY Love, MY BEST Friend and the Man I look up to and call my HERO -- WHY?" I know that GOD does not intend for me to NOT have these fears and questions -- it is natural and at that time Maggie and HE reminded me that because I have fears and questions and doubts, HE asks us to give it ALL to him and TRUST him -- and I can honestly say I DO!

The prayers, messages, phone calls and all else continue to instill the peace that I have come to feel inside me, it instills the strength for me to wake-up everyday and keep a smile on my face and a smile in my heart -- I have the courage and faith that Mike will overcome this and we will look back and never forget these days and the struggles that we endured, but we will Thank GOD for being there EVERY step of the way -- he has NEVER lost faith in me, so GOD I will NEVER lose faith in YOU!

In ending, I AM scared and I am learning to cry and be OK with it! But as I enter everyday as soon as I get that frown...I will quickly turn it UPside Down!!

Smooches till next time AND The PRAYERS continue to work -- keep the coming our way!!

The Doctor Wears PRADA

It feels as though it's ALREADY been a journey, yet the journey has just begun!

First and foremost, MANY thanks to YOU ALL that continue to pray, send prayers, gather prayer warriors and offer uplifting spirits that along with GOD are keeping Mike at peace and bringing continued peace along this path we head down.

This day seems as if it took forever to get here, but in reality MD Anderson is AMAZING and has worked at light speed to ensure thoroughness and all testing to provide a direct diagnosis for what Mike has in his system. I will do MY best to provide the information that the Dr. and PA provided today and links to lead you to some websites that explain as well.

3 O'clock could have not come any sooner today as I tried hard to keep busy with work, but my mind wandered back and forth to the DR walking in with that cold metal chart board with horrifying results or a "surprise".

Well the time was upon us and I bravely pulled into MD Anderson (alone) and I say bravely because if you know me, you know I don't drive Downtown or The Med Center without breaking out into hives and a brown paper bag in hand for that old fashioned breathing technique -- the entire area and traffic is terrifying! I parked and met Mike, his Dad, Maggie and Kevin in the waiting room for that page..."Mr. Charnock!" The page came and we all walked back into the patient room and waited for The Dr. I do have to give special thanks to Maggie for providing VERY entertaining stories of their childhood to pass time! Very amusing and kept smiles on the face and the fear in the back of mind.

Time passed and what seemed like such a short time, the Dr. and PA walked in -- no scary metal clip board with a bunch of red marks and writing that looked foreign. A tall, very pretty young female Dr. walked in...crisp white long Dr. jacket, a VERY stylish and cute designer dress and sassy green strappy heels - she was so warm, spoke so soft and was very thorough -- IMMEDIATE comfort and peace consumed me. She and her PA went over the complete diagnosis and confirmed all that was dancing around in Mike's body and ensured us with Mike's age and him being in such great health -- treatment will be aggressive and she is confident he is going to beat this! AMEN!

Now onto the diagnosis. Mike is battling Lung Cancer. Now that ALL testing is complete, the Cancer has spread to a few areas in the body - The Lung (only one side), The pelvis and Sternum (which the refer to as Bony Disease), the lymph nodes and the Brain. The Dr. clarified Mike is in Stage IV of Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer -- But STILL VERY treatable! The Brain is the first concern of the Dr. and an appointment with a Neurologist has been scheduled for tomorrow morning to discuss options to remove -- surgery will most likely be involved, BUT we are thankful that the tumor is operable and can be removed. The Dr. is in hopes that the surgery will be scheduled VERY soon (as soon as next week) and he can start his treatment and kick this Cancer in The BUTT!! The Dr. wants to start an aggressive treatment program which she will provide more details at that time - the brain is the main concern at the moment and removing this tumor.

Another battle that is going on within his body is Mike has Emphysema. It is a disease that is irreversible but can be slowed down - and confident that Mike is going to listen to the Dr.s and Us all -- it will surely slow down down down.

Thank YOU ALL beyond belief for The support from Our Family, YOU, YOUR Families, YOUR Friends, YOUR Prayer Warriors you have gathered and MANY MANY more that are lifting Mike up with Positive Spirits -- Take it from ME, It IS Working!! GOD continues to AMAZE me Daily and HIS LOVE for US grows Daily and I take great pleasure in Praising him and Letting EVERYONE know what he HAS Done, IS Doing and WILL Continue to Do for Mike and Our Family!!

I will continue to keep you posted -- XOXOXOX

P.S. I have heard NOTHING But RAVE Reviews about MD Anderson, and YOU ALL are so right! The Hospital and The Teams they have working behind the scenes to Heal Patients with Cancer offers Overwhelming Comfort! Visit their site when you have a chance - it is fun to LEARN!