Wednesday, January 22, 2014

These Shoes Were Made to KEEP on Walking...


There are those days where something just speaks to your heart…today I came across this that was posted by a friend and wanted to share…

Though the sentiments below reflect the journey of a widow…we all have those uncomfortable shoes that we wear throughout our lives, that we “adjust” to and “get used” to and make bearable – we conform…for at times we have no choice but to make them fit, for we cannot afford not to…

“I am wearing a pair of shoes....They are ugly shoes, Uncomfortable shoes…I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair. Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step…Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes.  They are looks of sympathy.  I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs….They never talk about my shoes.

To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.  To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.  But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.  I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.  There are many pairs in this world.

Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.  Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.  Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt…No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.  These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.  They have made me who I am…I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost her husband…my best friend – Author Unknown”

Friday, January 10, 2014

Letting the Grudges Go of 2012...


It’s been a while…Hi!

Wow…2014, starting off good…suprisngly good!  I spent my 2012 in a funky fog, in denial of what had just happened…2013 was better, but spent many days hating 2012…I in 2014 opting to hold NO grudges to the previous years, they not only provided such wonderful life lessons, amazing people re-entering my life, some exits, new job and strength instilled to face this new normal and the ability to keep Mike’s memory alive in various ways and continue to uncover how many lives he touched before Cancer, during Cancer and after…he has left a mark.

When Mike passed, my world completely stopped, but I knew I must continue to live, for Mike would have it no other way.  Mike meant different things to all of us…but the one thing, no matter the relationship, he was a friend to us all.  I cannot even believe this time almost 2 years ago, so much hope for his recovery, yet, 2 days from today and a month he would greet all our loved ones at the pearly gates, look back with no regret, for he had an amazing and Rad-ASS life, but only look back with that huge grin, a simple nod of the head and a Billy Idol (White Wedding) fist pump and embrace on his new journey as the most wonderful, strongest and huge-hearted guardian angel we can only pray to have on our side.  With that said…Mike, you remain in my heart along with many others for eternity…

With that said, I have come to realize it is true…”Sometimes Forever is in a second – White Rabbit”.  I have a whole new year in front of me.  I was scared once…scared for what a “new normal” consisted of…it’s not too too different from my normal before, or the normal before that…we are forever evolving…even when Mike was here we encountered new normals…I like to blame the new normal on being thrown into widowism but the truth is everyday is a new norm…we never know what it will consist of, even if you have a routine – as they say on Big Brother…”expect the unexpected”.  I never expected to be “starting over” at the age of 33 and now 2 years have passed and I will be 35, still and always a “widow” but that is not my “hashtag”…”oh look there goes Lyndie #widow, #sad, #depressed, #poorgirl)…haha and in all honesty I do not even know what # means, I always just thought of it as the pound sign I push after a prompt when attemping to get a hold of customer service…Unfortunatly it will be forever on my “Life Resume”, but not a label…I am simply Lyndie, #plain and simple J

2013 ended well…I was so fortunate to re-connect with friends from childhood…all so diverse, yet something about being this age, losing a husband…it truly is the small things that count – the things you once stressed over and worried about seem so insignificant – you learn to cherish the nights on the patio with green ham and bad cheese BUT good wine, laughing it up with great friends that the main common denominator is happiness in life.  It’s the nights you are out with “the locals” and for a minute as the music is playing, bad jokes are being told, you stop to look around and as for a moment all is paused and you realize life is good – you are surrounded by people who love you and the world is right.  It’s the nights home alone and embracing the snuggles from the wet-nosed kiddos and slipping into you jammie pants for a marathon of your favorite series or diving into your favorite book, knowing you have nothing outside of your home door to worry about…and be OK with peace at mind.  It’s the late night bon-fires, telling stories of the past and dreaming of the future and just thanking GOD for the opportunity to continue one.  It’s the simple text from a friend, right in an unexptected moment, but yet it was the JUST RIGHT moement.  It’s realizing Unicorns DO exist, because one just tooted unexpectidly in front of a room full of people because you laughed so hard, yet the laughter masked the smell and the fact that…hey…Unicorns DON’T exist (Blame it on the dog).  The many cab rides with friends, only praying for it to turn to ‘Cash Cab’ NOT ‘Taxi Cab Confessions’.  I could go on and on with all that has happened, but I know some of these memories, many of you were involved…you are able to pick up from there J

2013 also held to be a VERY spiritual and heart-lifting year.  What can I say, Austin is a magical city! I was fortunate to attend Mumford and Sons in the ATX with some amazing people and oh wow, was Austin a different experience than when I was in my 20’s – it was so much more rich and vibrant offering so much love and eclectic energy…I didn’t want to leave.  I attended the ACL festival as well months later with the same group and that was a complete moving experience as well – met so many different people, allllllmost made it to The Capitol, and the road trip convos remain priceless!  It was a a complete year of just opening myself more than 2012 and living good, loving hard and just accepting being OK. 

I have no idea what 2014 has in store for me…I had no idea what 1997  had in store for me when I walked across the stage and grabbed a diploma.  I had no idea what 2005 had in store for me when I dropped everything and moved to FL just to do it.  I had no idea what 2007 had in store for me when a good looking, 6’2 Hott Pocket crossed my threshhold with a huge grin.  I had no idea what 2008 had in store when I married that Hott Pocket and we began our journey.  Still clueless in 2010 when we got the news this Good looking Southern Boy had Cancer.  Had no clue how to start again in 2012 when I had to say goodbye to that man.  Entering 2014, I still have know idea…do any of us?  The ONLY plan I have is to not plan, yet live, enjoy and know first hand that your life can TRULY change in a second and your fOeVER becomes over. 

In closing…we are human, we are petty, we worry, we stress…when you find yourself in those moments…try to capture a good memory, something that puts you in a “happy place”, somewhere were when you close your eyes, open and exhale, the issue at hand is not a mountain you cannot climb, but a mountain you can move.

Happy New Year Ya’ll!!!