HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDPA

Last night I cried...I remembered Grandpa's Birthday would be tomorrow...or it would have been his birthday...but wait - it still is his birthday...right? Either way I remembered this year I couldn't send him a card --

Every year -- since before I was able to buy my own cards, you know the ones that mom/dad pick out and you get to sign your name with big XOXO in your oh so proud to show off 2nd grade cursive... Well every year no matter my age, I always bought those little fuzzy 'From Granddaughter to Grandpa' cards -- it was just what we did -- He loved them just as much as I enjoyed shopping for the perfect one...Usually fuzzy bear with a hint of glitter with some cheesy very adolescent poem - Grandma told me tonight he has saved everyone.

Today my Grandfather has been past for 3 months -- I haven't been to his gravesite since the funeral nor has my Grandma. Last night I cried realizing that it was his birthday and I wasn't going to send a card. Mike suggested that we go to the gravesite and visit. I had not thought of that - I've honestly never had a person so close that I have lost and have never visited a gravesite of a loved one - so I was anxious, nervous and excited. I called Grandma right away to see if she'd be interested and she was -- I was happy!

Picked Grandma up -- and if you know me, you know I NEVER get anywhere on time -- I really try, but it doesn't happen. I pull up and Grandma is sitting in the garage -- smoking her ciggarette nervously and reminds me that she is set in her ways and waiting has always raised her blood pressure and makes her nervous. I immediatly got nervous, but knew in my heart, she was nervous too -- it was her first time to visit Grandpa...her best friend..."A wonderful husband" as she refers to him...she has not been back since the day of his service.

We hop in the truck and head out -- I was so nervous -- I grew up in Deer Park and could not even remember where the funeral home was -- Grandma reminded me and assured that I was driving too close and not completly stopping at the stop signs. HA! Nerves were in the air -- but I understand -- You are with someone for 59 years and one day no more.

We pulled in the cemetary -- I was for sure I knew where he was -- she wasn't -- we were both wrong. (he has'nt gotten a headstone yet) As we walked around, all of a sudden there was a wind...a calm wind and Grandma said "that's it"... "I remember seeing that dented headstone when we came last time...we stopped, paused and absorbed the precense around us and it felt right -- I cried, Grandma hugged me and we stayed and talked memories and the FABULOUS life my Grandfather led. It was good -- I had peace and I feel Grandma did too.

I am home now, thinking how fortunate I am to have experienced this with my Grandma -- I feel she thinks the same and we will forever have this bond.

Happy Birthday Grandpa! Love Jocko!