Wednesday, October 10, 2012


"I Have Found the Paradox that If I Love until it Hurts, Then THERE is NO Hurt, But ONLY MORE Love - Mother Teresa"

Dear Mike,

Birthdays were so special to us!  We celebrated yearly at the cabin we found In New Braunsfels and kept it a tradition with family and friends!  This time last year as we were celebrating, I did not fathom that just months later I would be celebrating your life and battle in front of hundreds, piled in a chapel at U of H taking time out to remember you – bring your memory to life of ALL you have accomplished.  I did not imagine I would not spend this birthday with the love of my life.

I remember the night we met.  I remember the first kiss.  I remember the first “I am in like with you”.  The first “I Love you”.  I remember the last “I love you”. 

You came into my world so silent yet turned it upside down.  You were my rescue.  My hero when you had no idea…me to you when you had no idea.  I sit here tonight, just taking in the love that was given to both of us by all around – it was so apparent…no one could miss.  We were so fortunate!  We were so blessed. Now you are away physically, I remain blessed…the love IS still here, your love is still here.  I see and feel you daily in the most unexpected places yet sometimes in the most expected places – that is how you roll ;)

I know you hear me --- in my silent thoughts, my daily talks to myself and when I scream – thank you!  When I need reassurance you ARE there – thank you!

As I close, I know you always supported me in all I did – writing as well…and I know that this letter will be seen…you were and will remain my inspiration El Toro – a bond un-broken!


Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Sigh No More

“Love; it will not betray you - Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free - Be more like the man you were made to be – Mumford & Sons”

Do you ever just drive…you hear a song…and not sure because I am not so satellite radio savey, I still have the 6 load CD disc player – yes, shall I hang my head to technology?  Re-playing a song over and over for whatever reason is such a treat!  Tonight as I write this, I cannot control the reset on my playlist to keep playing.

As I have stated in many entries, I have not done my best by all people I meet.  I was always told growing up, “you reap what you sow”…always thought that for children and know it speaks of it in the bible, yet I also know GOD forgives us for our sins – ALL our sins! We repent when we know we have wronged.  Even as the saying “Karma is a bitch” as I have used many times also – yes it is, and I will be the first to shout when a family member or friend is done wrong – but how do you use any of those sayings to someone who has not done anything negative in this world, such as a small child -- does it still exist?

Recently a friend of mine got attacked by the enemy.  A partner was lost to cancer.  Of course such a tragic event you could not even imagine anything worse happening to a loving spouse of years and then, when unexpected come home to a ransacked house.  Computers stole, memories gone, pure violation!  At this time one would scream as Tim McGraw did in his famous hit song “Take anything, just don’t take the girl”.  Fast forward, girl has been taken now the personal space. 

It’s hard to comprehend “Why Us?” We make mistakes, we move forward and we do so good to be the best we can. We wake up and our lives are changed forever.  We ask GOD is this all we can go through?? Please do not burden us with anymore.  I wish it was that easy for GOD to work that way…for when he places us in trials upon trials – I never look at is as “Karma”, it is and WILL remain HIS plan.  Hard to believe too many…even for me at times…

I wake up, I pray, I praise you in our dearest time of need and still thank you for where we are at – why me?  I work so hard and thank you for all I have down to the last .25 cents to buy a pack of Raman Noodle…why am I being stolen from?  I praise you for the gas to go to work, yet I blow a radiator cap on the way to work – twice as much money to replace!  For these are not and will remain not us to ask --- it remains HIS plan.

I end this in hoping we know it IS HIS plan --- whether it marriage, work, friendships, circumstances, relationships, etc…it WILL never be US – I have peace knowing this…