Monday, March 12, 2012
“Pay attention to your dreams - God's angels often speak directly to our hearts when we are asleep - Eileen Elias Freeman”
I found this quote and how true I feel it is. Since Mike’s passing I have dreamt of him often…almost every night. Not such a dream where he comes to me in an angelic form, but just that he is here with me, and continues to remind me he is never far away…from the dreams to the sunsets in the evening, to even the form of a stray dog! I know daily, I fight away tears for not because I am alone, for I am surely not, but it is challenging to not want to pick up the phone and call Mike to tell him something crazy about my day or send him a sweet text to tell him I love the man that he is! Don’t get me wrong, I do surely talk to him daily in all that I do, and pray with him when I go to bed…for I know he is here, he is now MY angel that GOD has put in my life to ensure I stay on the proper paths that are laid out before me.
I could not believe as I sat to go to bed last night, it has already been a month since Mike passed. The beginning seems such a blur, maybe that is why the time has seemed to fly, or the fact that I know Mike would NOT have wanted to me to sulk and mourn, he would want me to continue to work and stay busy doing the things that I love, that is what I intend on doing. Spending time with the wet-nosed kiddos, spending time with my family and welcoming all the beautiful friendships we have developed over the years and open up to the ladies that have come to my side to comfort me and give freely their friendships that were put on hold just due to “everyday life”, I am surely as I said not alone.
I have so many wonderful memories of Mike – he was surely in a league of his own…as am I, I suppose that’s why it worked! Genuine hearts lay beneath our flesh and it showed in all that we did, for each other and all around us. As I write this, so many memories flow through my mind daily and there will continue to be many days – for this I am thankful! I shared a letter with a dear friend a couple of weeks ago, that Mike wrote me over the holidays last year…just from that letter, gosh it continues to show Mikes heart, where it was at, and not that I am at any point now to focus on a future with anyone else, but I guarantee its going to be difficult to fill those shoes and that heart – guys just are not made like Mike was now these days – and ladies if you have one, hold on to him tight and for the men who have that women that is a diamond in the rough, grab her and hold on tight – and if you have not experienced this level love at all – I pray that one day it finds you, grabs you and it never fades.
In closing, Mike will always remain my best friend. I will never get over him and I will cherish forever more the life we had together. I will always be thankful GOD put us in each others lives to experience and explore all we did in our 5 years of marriage. I will be forever thankful all we have met in our lives together we shared and the people GOD put in and KEPT in our lives through this journey that shared and witnessed true love, and the ultimate power of GOD above when you allow him into your life to do HIS work.
For all of you that remember outings with Mike, especially one of my favorite times we ended up on accident at a Tejano Karaoke night and from the back of all the crowd, Mike the only one in there with a cut-off sleeve shirt, shorts and cowboy boots, in between songs yells “Free Bird” – one of the DJs actually played it – we were the only ones of the dance floor, but it was the best night and again a memory I will always cherish --- You Are now truly a Free Bird Mike! I love you!