A Moment Like This

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I vow to love you, and no matter what challenges might carry us apart, we will always find a way back to each other – The Vow”

 

Today embarks on the 7 month mark…this will be a day I remember forever.  I invested in a calendar FINALLY this year.  I am the QUEEN of making plans, making appointments and either over-scheduling myself or just plain ole’ forgetting – true story!  So I have birthdays, outings, deadlines, due dates, etc – one date that I do not have is the 12^th of every month – for this day is etched in my mind – FOREVER!  It’s honestly a day I figured once a year, the 12^th, Feb 12^th, I would look back and remember lying there with Mike as he took his last breath – clock striking ever so quietly at 4:20 AM – the day that literally felt like time stopped – a day I will never forget.

I have shared with people, not all, not because of any particular reason but it is just such a touching moment that it brings tears of joy, tears of fears, at this moment I felt very blessed and fortunate.  It was the night before Mike passed…the doctors had just left the room to inform me of his deteriorating health and that if not hours, it may just be a few days.  Mike had been sleeping all day.  He had not moved, reacted to anyone that was coming in and out of his room.  After the doctor left, I called the nurse into the room to sit with him…even in the state he was in, not knowing what was going on around him; I still refused to cry in front of him.  I excused myself and went down the hallway to call the one person at that moment I knew who could give me comfort…My Grandma Hazel.  I told her of the news and she gave me, most likely one of the best pieces of advice I had ever heard.  I could hear her holding back the tears as she started to speak…”Lyndie-Pooh, one thing I have always known and believe is that when someone seems gone to the world, not responding, I know and have experienced they can hear.  I don’t know how it is done but I believe GOD allows them to hear when we speak in moments like this.  You need to go upstairs and get close to his ear and tell him how you feel…tell him what your heart says.  I love you Granddaughter and GOD is with you.”

HIS Moment --- I raced up the escalator and came bursting through the room doors, thanked the nurse and closed the door behind me.  I crawled in bed with Mike, our heads touching and my hand on his heart.  I leaned into his ear and spoke the last words that I believe he heard – the ones he needed to hear, “Hott Pocket, good gosh you have had a great life!  You have seen so many things that people your age do not get to see or experience.  You have touched so many lives, including mine and to this day know that GOD chose you for a reason for this path, and for me to be your wife and caregiver.  The moment you walked into my life, we were each other’s wave on wave – HIS plan.  You now must know in your heart that I am going to be OK, the boys (“wet-nosed” kiddos) will be fine.  Your family is going to be OK, our friends will be OK – what is important now is that you must rest…it is your turn to be my guardian angel, caregiver oh the Heavens.  You are tired, your body is tired and it is time for you to be with GOD above and all others who have left us too soon – I will always love you just as I know you will always love me.”  At that moment, it was as if GOD opened his ears and he heard every word – for 10 seconds, he lifted his hands, held my face and caressed my cheek…at that moment my heart stood still and peace overcame my entire mind, soul and body…GOD knew what I needed and knew what Mike needed as well – for it remains HIS plan.  The night went on and a few hours, with me holding his hand he took his last breath and entered the pearly gates – 4:20 AM, February 12, 2012 – A Day that I will NEVER forget!

Since that day, I am consumed with such great memories of Mike and I.  I do not cry often, for I continue to know he is healthy and happy, roaming the REAL GREAT Lakes in Heaven Above.  Shooting the bull with all he meets and familiar faces that have also departed.  But on this day every month, I resort back to that day, that moment, the last words I had with him, the last touch I would ever get from him…it is bitter-sweet, for I am upset, happy, mad, confused, heart-broken, joyful, scared and any other emotion one can feel all balled up into one.  It almost crossed my mind to ask “Why Me? Why Him?”, but I remember to tell myself – It is HIS plan, no matter how much I want to take it and break it open and dissect it…it is not for me to do.  What I can do is be thankful to wake up every day and share our journey with others.  I can choose to be positive and blessed in knowing the last moments with Mike were just for him and I…something that cannot be taken away, for it was HIS plan.

I remain ever so grateful for ALL of you as I continue on my road of “The New Norm” – My life will remain filled with “Kart-Wheels and Pain – Sunshine and Rain.”

XO LC

 

 

 

 

 

"If you see me getting smaller, I'm leaving, don't be grieving, just gotta get away from here. If you see me getting smaller, don't worry, and no hurry, I've got the right to disappear - Waylon Jennings"