Cancer – The All Year Hurricane Season

“Rainbows apologize for angry skies - Sylvia Voirol”


Hi Everyone!

It’s been a little minute since I had my last entry…it has just been so busy with work, personal and just the goings on of everyday – my new normal!

As always, I pray before I write…I pray that the words I put on here, not only come from deep in my heart, but that they touch yours as well. I have been hung up on a title of my next entry and as we are in the midst of Hurricane season (whatever that means these days – Here in Houston, no day is the same – literally!) I thought of preparing for Hurricane Season comes around once a year, as we all hustle and bustle to gather supplies all while preparing for the worst yet expecting anything! I see Cancer as the ALL year Hurricane Season – everyday running around from doctor’s appointments, taking out vitamins, exercising and eating ALL the foods that prevent you from getting cancer, just in an 24/7 prep mode – prepping for the worst and expecting anything! Well just as IKE took us for a ride in 2008, Cancer hits everyone just as IKE did – though we WERE prepared, when we received the news, we were blown away, roof torn off the house and all of a sudden vulnerable to the world!

When I was younger, Cancer and any disease or sickness (and mainly being my age and not introduced to a whole lot of sickness growing up) I always thought “old” people get sick – people like our grandparents who were in WWII, who have been married for 50 + years. You know “old” people that have had kids, grandkids, GREAT-GREAT grandkids. You know the “old” people that through the house you can get lost in hallways and photo albums of black and white pictures with grandpa’s arm wrapped around grandma’s waist leaning on an old Lincoln with a slew of kids in the front yard – most like Mom/Dad/Aunts/Uncles – you get the picture. As I get older (33, I STILL say I am the youngest in my age group ;) it seems that disease and sickness is ALL around me, around US! It floors me how many calls I get from family and friends and Family of Friends of Friends…that dreadful phone call or message that “So in So” has just gotten the news…”They have Cancer” (or any disease/sickness – I am just partial to cancer, for I am living without my husband because of it – and it hits pretty close to home).

As you all know, on this journey, I have been mad, sad, angry, happy, joyful, hopeful, faithful and every emotion that you can imagine – as I say “Kart-Wheels and Pain, Sunshine and Rain” ---- Pretty much explains my everyday – But thankful for more Kart-Wheels than Rain! One thing I never asked on this journey was “Why Me?” “Why Us?” “Why am I not going to grow old with my best friend?” I do not ask this question because, I know the reason and as always it remains HIS plan and NOT mine…He asks me to not understand, just praise him for everything…even a good hair day. Along this way, the day our lives changed for ever in July of 2010 we have met some amazing people, people that we would have NEVER met if it had not been for HIS plan to bring us through this storm and back into the sunlight. People that have changed our lives forever and people that continue to change MY new life forever…Family, Friends old and NEW and Strangers that after that one hand shake, hug or even a message or text, are no longer a stranger, yet become friends and support on this journey!

The heart-breaking part of this though is that as you look around, it is not just the “old” people that are getting sick…it is a newborn baby that is not even able to leave the hospital and take long naps in that nursery designed especially for him/her. It is the young teen who isn’t worried about getting bullied at school, yet only of nervous thoughts of getting beat up by treatment and knowing they will be too weak to join their school sports or play in that marching band at the homecoming game. It’s the young couple, struggling to make ends meat, to feel those precious house full of children and praying that insurance will continue to cover the expensive treatments and MRIs all while fighting off the banks as they start to get foreclosure notices and the repo man is driving down the street waiting for his chance. It is the middle-aged couples that just celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary, and are planning their retirement and all the places they will travel, but now plans are on hold and their days will consist of daily trips to the Med Center and the only traveling they will do is to and from doctor’s visits.

People ask me daily how I am. I am doing great! I have much peace in knowing where Mike is now and that he remains with me daily in all that I do. Though Mike left me too early, I know he had a GREAT life! He led a very diverse life and he saw many things, accomplished so much and though there was surely more he had planned…his heart was at peace with GODs will and for that gives me peace and I know that our love is and was magical – you can only hope to meet that person that not only becomes your lover and husband, but from beginning to end, they remain your best friend! Believe me as I said, I have my ups and downs and all arounds, but GOD blessed me with great memories of Mike along with a STRONG Support Army of family and friends who never leave my side and are ALWAYS with me in spirit! For these reasons, I remain at peace…I was true to my vows, till death do us part…something I will always cherish.

I have recently been fortunate to meet several people and families that are going through struggles right now, families that are very strong in their faith, yet as humans, we are scared. They have not only been an inspiration to me, but me to them as well…and that is what it is all about! I admire the strength they have…these are families that have to not only worry of each other as husband/wife, they also have children – children of ages that do not comprehend just now why mommy/daddy are in the hospital. They do not understand why their parents do not feel good, why mommy/daddy are getting so sick and why they cant play with them like they used to…for these families I do not feel pity, I only have deep admiration for their will to stand and allow GOD in their lives and have faith that he will bring them through this storm.

I know it is only natural to have family/friends going through this to have sympathy or pity them…but know that when you are looking into their eyes, or talking to them on that other line, or typing that email, don’t remind them how sorry you are for them, or try to fathom what their daily journey consists of…believe me, WE live it, WE Know it – I simply ask during these times, to simply offer a prayer, offer your love, offer a hug and tell them how proud of them you are! Reassure them that for these struggles that we yearn so much to understand, we just are not supposed to. Re-instill that positive mindset that sometimes slips off into outer space as they are being poked and prodded with needles and developing a first name basis with the entire hospital staff…even the cleaning crew! Offering pity only I feel weakens the mind and allows doubt and fear to linger longer…believe me…Mike lived with this disease for over a year and half, but his mindset was set on healing and living life – NEVER TAKING ANY MOMENT FOR GRANTED – How we should ALL live life! Now do not get me wrong, the sadness lingers, for as a friend said recently as her husband was fighting the fight, she retreated to the shower to cry – for no one could see your tears in there.

In closing, I recently told you…when you have that moment where you struggle to find something /someone to pray for – just simply ask GOD to pray for ANYONE in need of his word, his touch…just pray. GOD knows your heart and when you release that prayer (a general prayer I call it) I know GOD will take that prayer and lift up someone he can see and hear though I cannot…my prayer is lifting someone’s spirits at that moment. Just as a smile at a stranger on the street, you never know how that smile has changed their day or affected them…a prayer works just the same. I continue to thank you all for sticking with me as I continue to travel down the path of “MY New Normal”, for even I do not know what it will continue to consist of…

OXOX

LC