I FINALLY Get It!

“Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them - Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand - Matthew 12:25 (NIV)”


These past few months I will not lie, have not been easy. Mike and I after receiving such GRAND news of his current state of Cancer and seems we are able to set aside the battle of his disease for the time being, we continued to battle an issue within our family…a battle that is SO misunderstood and with no resolving in site, I just now finally get it.

They say, the words you speak (or in my case I write) are forever…this is true. One day you may regret the things you have spoken to someone, or look back and are ashamed of something that you wrote in a fit of anger, for me…not so much.

I feel very blessed that GOD has allowed me to use my writing to touch so many during this journey we have been put on, and to provide me with (what I feel) are just the right words to describe how it has been. However, I find it easier as well to use my words when communicating with some, due to when in person, I tend to ramble (and yes, I know I ramble a lot in my emails too, but my thoughts seemed more composed)

As a mother wants to protect her young, when you are in love, all you want to do is protect your loved ones as well…in this case my Husband. With a family issue at hand, I strived for EVERY opportunity to reach out to family, in hopes that what seems such a petty feud, has festered and now just a whole blown out of proportion turn of events…my opinion. Many FALSE accusations have arose, MANY Negative things have been said (by ALL parties) and as I know we cannot take back the things we say, we can apologize, hope to mend and move on. I feel the hardest part of all of this has been, is that it is difficult to move forward, when everyone remains in the pool of the past…you know just swimming around in the filth of mis-trust, hurt, heartache and betrayal. I have said many times before, my hubby and I are FAR from perfect, but we have remained honest, been accountable for ALL of our actions, yet, it has not meant anything and the family remains in disarray.

I am not sure if being a Taraus (hard headed) and having a huge heart, has been MY downfall in all of this and has not allowed me to rest until ALL of this is resolved…I know now, I can no longer spin my wheels, because we are clearly at a stand still with no mending anytime soon. In my last ditch attempt, I continued to send out emails to our family in hopes that one would tug a heart string and the hate would be lifted and we could all be a family again…that was a complete failure, as to leading to my blog today.

I was sent an email from an OUTSIDER & friend to some of the family that they were in shock of my email and how do I call myself a Christian…well I am. I do not shout it from the mountain tops and force my views upon anyone BUT as I ALWAYS say, I will praise JESUS for a good hair day! But going along with my views and my lifestyle, I am also HUMAN. Do not insinuate because I am reaching out to OUR family in the only way that I know how, and asking for accountability for things that have happened and been said, that I am not a Christian. I from day one of all of this, have been hurt by the people that I love so dearly, I have found forgiveness in my heart BUT I still hurt. JESUS died for ALL our sins, and though I do not lead a perfect life, I lead MY life and GOD above is MY Judge and MY Juror – no one else…and I have asked for forgiveness for my sins…have you?

In closing, I get it now. For the family feud really is between ONLY 2 people…for those 2 people, one I will protect and stand up for till death do us part…for the other, I will continue to pray for that heart. For us as family, we sure do not have to like each other, but we do NOT have to bash each other either. I FINALLY know that I will NOT be the one to fix this, and NO matter how many emails, texts, blogs or anything I do to resolve…it will NOT be done by me. This is all new to me, for my family is full of nuts, but we are honest with each other and love UN-conditionally WITH OUT Conditions…for now as I am getting older (maybe not so much wiser ;) I do see now ALL families are different, and I am finally able to have peace and REALLY bow out this time…my white flag is raised and I am ceasing and desisting any further efforts to “fix” this…

Please keep us ALL in your prayers for Happy Hearts, Healthy Lifestyles and just a happy soul…

XOXO Lyndie