“Divorce is a by-product of the fact that maybe the nuclear unit is gone - Bob Geldof”

I searched for the perfect quote before I sat down and wrote this. I even said a little prayer, for not necessarily GOD is smiling down upon this entry, but he did lead me to this quote and oh how true it rings in the life after Mike’s passing.

As you all know through my blogs and emails and even Face Book, NEVER spoke ill about Mike’s relationship with his family…a few I did confide in, because as friends you much cheaper than therapy, but overall, I kept hush and respected them as I could because they are Mike’s family. Well, I will tell you one thing that I will not use this entry to bash anyone, because one, I would not disrespect Mike in that way, because above all (even the way SOME of his family abandoned him in these last 9-10 months because of the most petty issues) Mike and I rose above these things months ago --- we thanked Jesus for the ability to Forgive…yet, we may never forget.

This being my first time as a widow, I was not sure what to expect. The first week was a blur with visitors, food, calls, emails, flowers, hugs, kisses, and more food! Believe me, I am grateful beyond belief, but I am gaining back some memory and thanking GOD for notepads to have taken all the ntoes of everyone that came by and gave! Moving forward to Mike’s memorial service, oh my, if you were there, it was AMAZING! Mike’s dear and best friend Rick of many years, set it all up (minus the chapel – that was taken care of by Maggie, his sister – still many thanks for such a beautiful place) But oh My, Rick being a former florist and now doing it on the sides, he did an AMAZING job from the colors, to the pictures, to just being the best darn friend a man could ever have…for this Rick I am forever grateful! I was not sure what to expect from the memorial, for this is the first I had and hope to ever have for the man I love, but as I took the podium to speak, I was in awe of the standing room only that filled the chapel. Just like the Toby Keith song goes…”We’ve got high-techs, Blue-collar boys and rednecks And we got lovers, lots of lookers And I've even seen dancing girls and hookers” Mike surely touched so many through his 36 years and I am so proud to have been partners with such a diverse man – he surely NEVER forgot where he came from!

As the days have moved on, and all has began to settle, Mike is and always will be in my heart and soul, but just something so comforting about having him home (his remains were cremated) and home with myself and the wet-nosed kiddos – just feels complete! I am being told it gets easier daily, and I am sure it will…but for now, I am allowing my ups and downs and my occasional anxiety/panic attacks that have set in – I know Mike was shaking his head and cursing me (if those exist in Heaven) that I broke out into one on Cullen/610 the other day – I have never experienced these, so I called 911 for I was not sure if I was having a stroke, or what…the team of HFD was great and walked me through it and a good friend of ours came and followed me home, before I looked like I was waiting for something else ;) Every day, I feel closer to him and know that GOD chose him for a reason and I surely have the STRONGEST Like Bull Angel watching over me, through all I do – as I said, It’s almost like he is my “Edward”, but I have vowed to not escape on any random motorcycles or cliff dive! I promise!

I am so grateful for ALL of you that NEVER left Mike’s side for anything! I feel that when you love someone unconditionally and are truly connected at the heart and soul, no matter what you say or do, would ever bring you from that person, especially with what he was battling. Though he was doing so well, we see how fast our lives can take a vast turn, and I pray that the memories you have will sustain forever, for truly Mike was the happiest he has been EVER was this last year and half…but thank you for stepping in towards the end to fulfill your closure, for me, I will have eternal peace knowing I was loved by the most amazing man EVER and honored our vows…till death do us part.

In closing, please do not take for granted ANY relationship in your life. If your mother/father/brother/sister/cousin/aunt/uncle or any person in your life says something hurtful, its ok to be hurt…but know that things could always change in a heartbeat…as I said, I have peace and no guilt, I will continue to pray that you do as well…YOU!
As I reflect, I suppose I am not such the Angry White Woman I had intended on being…in fact, I am quite happy and thankful for GOD this life he has provided…Rather than anger I feel sympathy.

XO Lyndie