The ULTIMATE Change Up

“A new position of responsibility will usually show a man to be a far stronger creature than was supposed - William James”

Over the weekend, Saturday to be exact, I woke up with a 101.1 fever. I was sick to my stomach could not keep anything down or in for that matter. I had the chills and nothing seemed to help. I laid there in a panic only thinking what is happening? I do not have time to be sick…though Mike is doing so well, I am his caregiver and I do not have time to be sick, I need to be taking care of him. Mike came to the rescue running me a hot bath, making me soup and never leaving my side till my fever broke. Praise GOD it seemed to only be a 24 hour bug and my fever was broke by early evening and still not able to keep down any food, I was at normal temperature and relaxing and able to sleep.

At that moment, I realized how hugely things have changed in our relationship and how we have since his diagnosis had a major change up. Mike was the one before his diagnosis the “bread winner” of our family, the one to take care of SO many things, especially if I were to get sick – I didn’t worry, I knew all would be fine. He was the handy-man, the mechanic, the Man of the household, and though I do not see him any less of man in our marriage, I do know things have changed.

Mike and I remain equals at all times, but with his health not at a hundred percent through this journey, I have picked up a lot of his load and carried it through this journey. Since July 2010 (though we had a gracious amount of donations from our benefit, continued help from family and friends from time to time) I have been the sole bread winner up until March 2011. By the grace of GOD we have managed and have not fallen short on any of our bills and continue to live by our simple means that we are completely happy with. Through this, I know it has taken a tole on Mike as a man feeling at times by him not going to work a full 8-10 day, that he somehow is not the man of our household. For me, I see him as nothing but the most courageous man that I know and for what he is going though at this moment and experiencing – he remains my hero and the man in my life.

For me, I have never known the strengths that have now been instilled in me. Working a full-time job, taking care of Mike not only when I am at work, but when I am at home as well. Having Mike in my every thought throughout the day that he has taken his medication, he is not pushing himself beyond his capability to prove that he can. To ensure that he is eating properly. To ensure that our bills are paid. To ensure that food is on the table and in the fridge. To ensure I maintain good health for myself so I can ensure I am strong and healthy for him. These are the thoughts that go through my head 24 hours a day 7 days a week. Just as I know Mike has similar thoughts because for a little time, it was out of his control and because he was focusing on getting better, he had to relinquish the “control” of it all and allow me to do it.

As the quote says above, a new position surely will shine the light on strengths that you had no idea you had. I still to this day have not cried too often about Mike’s disease. I at first thought it was maybe that I was in complete denial, but then learned that GOD has instilled this great amount of strength in me, to not only be strong and tough for my Hubby but also be strong for me. Don’t get me wrong, I have cried, I have felt overwhelmed, but I try not to stay there for too long, for if I do, the Devil will win and we just can’t have that. But just as our roles have slightly changed, Mike too on this new journey and new responsibly of battling this cancer, has surely provided a new strength that no matter what a Man’s Man you are – it surely takes a tole on you mentally and Mike’s mental strength is beyond soaring and is one of the keys to his healing success.

Though today Mike remains on the road to healing thanks to Our GOD above, the support of Family and friends along with the fabulous facilities of MD Anderson, we both have taken on new strengths and new responsibilities. With these new roles, we maintain a strong mental state, which believe me is not ALWAYS easy, but a HUGE part of our ability to fight each day!

Mike has a slow October consisting of just his Brain / Spine Chemo and his Mega-Chemo. Your prayers are being felt and he remains to be back at work, working actual almost full days and minimal side effects – thank you ALL, your prayers are felt and heard!! September will be busy with MRIs and PET Scans and of course we will keep you all posted of those results --- Continuing to claim ALL GOOD!!!

In closing, as always, we thank you ALL family, friends, MD Anderson and all involved on Our Journey. Without GOD Above none of this would be possible.

XO Lyndie