Turn THAT Frown UPside Down

"Sorrow is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart - Ecclesiastes 7:3"

I had a VERY good and refreshing conversation with my sister-n-law this weekend. Since the day we have found out of Mike's condition and then to the final diagnosis and now into the brain surgery that will occur and into the treatment he will receive until he is treated and is rid of this disease, I have talked to Maggie A LOT -- more are with questions about what the Doctors are saying, her opinion of what they say, scheduling Mike's appointments with MD Anderson and normal family agenda and goings on.

We enjoyed this past weekend knowing the week that lies ahead with Mike's Brain surgery. We enjoyed a relaxing weekend with family. We laughed, we reminisced and heard stories, we lounged and just tried to focus on our relationships with one another and just for a few moments forget about CANCER! It worked and the time we had was great - it was actually more than great, it was AMAZING and I will remember it for my entire life!

As the weekend ended I thought about a lot of things and had some alone time with Maggie -- I asked "Are you scared?" This is honestly something that as close as Maggie and I are, I hadn't really discussed with her in detail. I had never really opened up to her about what I have been feeling throughout all of this, at least not thus far. As we started to talk I just felt the tears come streaming -- I was crying, I was talking about MY Fears with all that is going on, all that is going to occur and what lies head for Mike, I and our Family. It felt so good!

After talking with her, crying and realizing rather than looking tailored with make-up and looking oh so fine ;) I looked clean, I felt clean -- like walking outside and smelling the fresh smell and the new that is brought after a rain storm, I felt fresh -- My make-up had been washed away, my cheeks blushed and moist from the tears I felt clean -- I felt cleansed!

Now don't get me wrong -- I have VERY Strong Faith and know that this will pass, Mike will be Brave and Strong during surgery, He will go into treatment with his head held high and trust in GOD just as I do that he will be treated and once again as he says -- he will be "Strong Like Bull!" As I have stated Many Many times, GOD has worked in my life Before Mike, During my time with Mike and He will continue to work in My/Our Lives moving forward for many years ahead -- and I WILL continue to praise him and Glorify him to ensure EVERYONE knows how Wonderful our GOD is and ALL that he has done and will continue to do -- for Me, for US and for YOU!

It is not hard to maintain the positivity I carry on the outside -- it is quite easy, because I pray for the strength and courage for myself to live each day to make a difference and I strive to maintain a positive heart, a positive mind and in my actions I hope to bring happiness to someone else that may have doubts or fear -- and reassure that you MUST give to GOD and ask for these things -- You will RECEIVE - not ALWAYS in the time line that you want, but as I have said before - GOD has a plan for Us ALL -- what WE (Mike, Myself and Our Family) are embarking on is HIS plan!

After talking to Maggie in length yesterday I know now it is OK to cry and have the feelings I have also. I was afraid that I would disappoint GOD -- I thought "How can I ask for his Grace and his strength to be instilled in me and yet inside I am scared to death at times and confused and question Why this has happened to MY Love, MY BEST Friend and the Man I look up to and call my HERO -- WHY?" I know that GOD does not intend for me to NOT have these fears and questions -- it is natural and at that time Maggie and HE reminded me that because I have fears and questions and doubts, HE asks us to give it ALL to him and TRUST him -- and I can honestly say I DO!

The prayers, messages, phone calls and all else continue to instill the peace that I have come to feel inside me, it instills the strength for me to wake-up everyday and keep a smile on my face and a smile in my heart -- I have the courage and faith that Mike will overcome this and we will look back and never forget these days and the struggles that we endured, but we will Thank GOD for being there EVERY step of the way -- he has NEVER lost faith in me, so GOD I will NEVER lose faith in YOU!

In ending, I AM scared and I am learning to cry and be OK with it! But as I enter everyday as soon as I get that frown...I will quickly turn it UPside Down!!

Smooches till next time AND The PRAYERS continue to work -- keep the coming our way!!