“So now I'm
slowing it down and I'm looking around, And I'm lovin this town and I'm doing
alright, Aint' worried 'bout nothing cept for the (WO)man I wanna be, I'm
thinking maybe it's time to be livin' the rhyme, When I'm singing a song about
nothing but right, And it's sure be nice if you would roll with me – Montgomery
Gentry (Roll With Me)”
Every month I know this
day will approach. The 12th,
the day that Mike passed…one month, two months and now today it has approached
a half year. DO you know how much we accomplish
in a half year? 6 WHOLE months! For me today is a milestone…an entire ½ year
Mike has been gone. As I remain to
state, some days it feels like it’s been an eternity but today it feels like
just yesterday I was walking out of MDA with his belongings going home to an
empty house and no more waking up to the man, the man that turned my life
upside down.
For the most part, I
remain in good spirits daily, for I know in my heart he is in a better place…a
much better place. The cancer came back
so fast and furious, he would not have deserved anymore suffering or coming
home to be bed-written and no longer able to spend late nights on the river
under the moon-light and sitting in a deer stand swapping stories from our past
all while shushing me because a hog was approaching…hog shmog, I liked to talk
and he loved it and just giggled at me…set his rifle down, turned on itunes and
listened to our favorite songs. He
deserved many more nights at the lake gazing at the stars, midnight fishing, and
bonfires with family and friends, not the life that was set ahead for him…GOD
intervened just at the right time.
I woke up this morning
feeling indifferent. I allowed myself to
go through old pictures, listen to our favorite songs and just allow his
memories to come flowing in full force with no protection…I cried, I laughed, I
shook my fist at the fact that he is no longer here…it has been a complete day
of discovery.
The truth is, yes, I know
GOD has a plan for us ALL – and HIS plan for Mike was fulfilled here on earth
and now he is fulfilling his plan in Heaven – walking the golden streets. He is where hunting season never expires and
there is no limit to the size or amount of fish you can catch – the afterlife
that he deserves. Swapping stories with
all loved ones we have lost and joining hands as they look down upon us all and
continue to send us reminders they are with us daily.
I came across this quote
the other day ---- “Do Not Stand
At My Grave And Weep, I Am Not There, I Do Not Sleep - I Am a Thousands Winds
That Blow, I Am The Diamonds Gilt On The Snow - I Am The Sunlight On Ripened
Grain, I Am The Gentle Autumn's Rain - Do Not Stand At My Grave And Cry - For I
am Not There, I Am In YOU And I Did Not Die…”
It hits home, for I do not
have Mike physically here with me, his spirit remains daily in myself and all
around me. I am so thankful for the
things I see daily, the people I meet and I know Mike is involved in it all..For
this continues to provide comfort and peace…though I still cry.
Every day I am not sure of
what my days hold…a day full of smiles or a day I hear a familiar song and I breakdown
in rush hour traffic. A day where my
make-up is perfect yet, I run across an old email, text or picture from Mike
and I end up looking like Alice Cooper.
The day that I feel that I have SO much peace and know that it wasn’t
that Mike and I DIDN’t have ENOUGH time – we had Just The RIGHT amount of time!
In closing, as I sat and
reflected today, looked through old pics, watched old videos and listened to
old songs…it is just a reminder he IS still here! He hasn’t gone anywhere. Just as when he was physically here and we
were separated during our work days or extended weekends – he was NOT gone –
the love remained in my heart and remains forever, just as his spirit will
remain the same. I am beyond blessed
with SUCH an amazing family and friends who do not understand directly what my
days consist of and they may never, but on the flip, they just love me…love
Mike…love us and it doesn’t change. Mike
and I’s love will forever remain, it will shine, it will be the pure glow on my
face that cannot be removed from a lady that has known and experienced TRUE and
selfless love – a love that EVERY one should have ATLEAST once in their lives –
we ALL deserve it and I pray YOU find it! Thank You ALL For ‘Rollin With Me’.
XOOX LC