Monday, October 31, 2011
“Jesus knew their thoughts and said to them - Every kingdom divided against itself will be ruined, and every city or household divided against itself will not stand - Matthew 12:25 (NIV)”
These past few months I will not lie, have not been easy. Mike and I after receiving such GRAND news of his current state of Cancer and seems we are able to set aside the battle of his disease for the time being, we continued to battle an issue within our family…a battle that is SO misunderstood and with no resolving in site, I just now finally get it.
They say, the words you speak (or in my case I write) are forever…this is true. One day you may regret the things you have spoken to someone, or look back and are ashamed of something that you wrote in a fit of anger, for me…not so much.
I feel very blessed that GOD has allowed me to use my writing to touch so many during this journey we have been put on, and to provide me with (what I feel) are just the right words to describe how it has been. However, I find it easier as well to use my words when communicating with some, due to when in person, I tend to ramble (and yes, I know I ramble a lot in my emails too, but my thoughts seemed more composed)
As a mother wants to protect her young, when you are in love, all you want to do is protect your loved ones as well…in this case my Husband. With a family issue at hand, I strived for EVERY opportunity to reach out to family, in hopes that what seems such a petty feud, has festered and now just a whole blown out of proportion turn of events…my opinion. Many FALSE accusations have arose, MANY Negative things have been said (by ALL parties) and as I know we cannot take back the things we say, we can apologize, hope to mend and move on. I feel the hardest part of all of this has been, is that it is difficult to move forward, when everyone remains in the pool of the past…you know just swimming around in the filth of mis-trust, hurt, heartache and betrayal. I have said many times before, my hubby and I are FAR from perfect, but we have remained honest, been accountable for ALL of our actions, yet, it has not meant anything and the family remains in disarray.
I am not sure if being a Taraus (hard headed) and having a huge heart, has been MY downfall in all of this and has not allowed me to rest until ALL of this is resolved…I know now, I can no longer spin my wheels, because we are clearly at a stand still with no mending anytime soon. In my last ditch attempt, I continued to send out emails to our family in hopes that one would tug a heart string and the hate would be lifted and we could all be a family again…that was a complete failure, as to leading to my blog today.
I was sent an email from an OUTSIDER & friend to some of the family that they were in shock of my email and how do I call myself a Christian…well I am. I do not shout it from the mountain tops and force my views upon anyone BUT as I ALWAYS say, I will praise JESUS for a good hair day! But going along with my views and my lifestyle, I am also HUMAN. Do not insinuate because I am reaching out to OUR family in the only way that I know how, and asking for accountability for things that have happened and been said, that I am not a Christian. I from day one of all of this, have been hurt by the people that I love so dearly, I have found forgiveness in my heart BUT I still hurt. JESUS died for ALL our sins, and though I do not lead a perfect life, I lead MY life and GOD above is MY Judge and MY Juror – no one else…and I have asked for forgiveness for my sins…have you?
In closing, I get it now. For the family feud really is between ONLY 2 people…for those 2 people, one I will protect and stand up for till death do us part…for the other, I will continue to pray for that heart. For us as family, we sure do not have to like each other, but we do NOT have to bash each other either. I FINALLY know that I will NOT be the one to fix this, and NO matter how many emails, texts, blogs or anything I do to resolve…it will NOT be done by me. This is all new to me, for my family is full of nuts, but we are honest with each other and love UN-conditionally WITH OUT Conditions…for now as I am getting older (maybe not so much wiser ;) I do see now ALL families are different, and I am finally able to have peace and REALLY bow out this time…my white flag is raised and I am ceasing and desisting any further efforts to “fix” this…
Please keep us ALL in your prayers for Happy Hearts, Healthy Lifestyles and just a happy soul…
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age - Lucille Ball”
As my blog before, this was an un-promised birthday and for the ability to have such beautiful weather to celebrate with was a blessing within it self!
We had planned on having a very low-key weekend for Mike’s birthday, just spending at home with a few friends and BBQ(ing), but at the last minute, we were invited by a friend to New Braunsfels and could not pass up the opportunity. We packed up ourselves, 3 “Wet-nosed” kiddos and 3 of our closest friends and headed to the “hills”. The ride was beautiful the entire way there and with the exception of little Dozer getting sick all over me, it was great!
The entire way there, there was such a jubilant sound in Mike’s laugh, it made my heart so happy and like the feeling you get when a little baby smiles at you, it was just like that. We laughed , joked and thanked GOD above for this opportunity to celebrate another year with Mike (for we know as well there are MANY more to come)
Due to the river being so low this year, we took advantage of the inner city and visited Natural Bridge Caverns and The Wildlife Safari! Both were extremely fun, but I must admit, I am out of shape and those Caverns got me – My calves are STILL sore today! The town was beautiful and it was nice to get out and breathe the fresh air and see all the city had to offer.
I have a link below from my Face Book album of some pics from the trip I hope you enjoy!
In closing, thank you ALL that were a part of this trip and thank you ALL that made this birthday for Mike so special --- I am learning it to be SO true, that as the old saying goes, “When one door closes, another one opens” and sadly enough this goes for it ALL – Life, opportunities, FAMILY and Friends. I am learning to be OK with those doors that have closed, for GOD has provided us with beautiful French doors to open much Wider!!
Birthday Weekend Album
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
“You cannot have a new season while having an old mind-set! I want to encourage you to lay aside scripting out plans for your life while you still hold on to old perceptions. Allow the Spirit to come into your life and rewrite your perspective so you will finally experience the possibilities and great promises God has for you. – TD Jakes Ministries”
How powerful is that message? It really struck home with me and I wanted to include in my email.
I in all honesty do not feel that this email or ANY email moving forward will top the latest one of Mike’s Recovery news last week, but I like to gab, so who knows – haha!
Yesterday we celebrated Mike’s 36th birthday! It was very low-key and enjoyable! So many people reached out to Mike through phone, emails, Face Book, My blog and other outlets to show their love for him – no doubt he received an abundance of love by many! I had planned as I do every year to treat him to a special dinner, so this year with it being just him and I, I assured him WHATEVER he wanted I would surely accommodate, for it is his day! He simply said he wanted CiCi’s Pizza buffet and then Marble Slab Ice Cream --- Whoohoo! I was excited; those are two of my favorites! We chowed down (and thank you LORD above for Mike’s appetite – he had a HUGE chemo last week, so sometimes he is not hungry) but he had several plates then we were off to Marble Slab! He got the biggest cone and like a kid “literally in the candy shop” he didn’t let any go to waste I attached a picture – they allowed us to light a candle in the shop – a candle for his birthday cone! It was a great night, relaxing and ending on a great note – definitely one for the books! This weekend we are celebrating out of town with some close friends and enjoying a 4-day weekend of BBQing, relaxing and hopefully having our “Toes in The Water and A** in the Sand!”
On a side note, this has truly been a BLESSED birthday week all together! We attended church on Sunday and were so excited to share Mike’s good news with our church family. Our dear friend Thomas (who I wrote about a few weeks ago that was only given 4 weeks from MDA) was there with his wife and family and all in good spirits – it was a true blessing! Also, as I had mentioned a while ago, we received a call from KSBJ…we have been able to spread Mike’s testimony to many and now we volunteer when we are able with prayer lines and random city acts to keep Houston clean. It’s been a pleasure speaking to so many people and giving them hope in times of despair – no matter what their circumstances are.
As always, as I tell people “There goes GOD again!” working his wonders beyond our understanding. As I was driving home yesterday, I received a call from Lake Wood Church, home of Joel Osteen Ministries. I received a call from their PR department and they have invited Mike to come and share his testimony for an upcoming broadcast to play on several of their channels and internet sites. I was floored! Because Mike and I watch Joel Osteen I felt led to send Mike’s praise report into their website for “Praise Stories”, NEVER imagining that they would call him!! I do not have ALL details, but ANY chance for Mike to share his testimony reaching that many people – is defiantly GOD Sent!! Please keep him in your prayers!
In closing, I am so excited for this Fall Weather FINALLY here in Houston and for the rain we received over the weekend!! We so needed it and this is the FIRST time I so did not mind standing water in our yard!! Mike and I, though he has made a miraculous recovery, we know this journey is not over yet, and we thank you ALL for continued support, love and encouragement on this roller coaster ride – we are (as I always say) forever grateful!!
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
“No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible - Stanislaw Lec”
I toiled with the name of this blog for a couple of hours and it really just came down to it…accountability. For all that know me, I have poured my heart out in this blog and you have read of my many ups and downs throughout my life – and for all that I have been through and the decisions I have made, the mean things I have said of others, just anything I have done, I have been held accountable not just by others, but by myself.
I have many times said how I have much forgiveness in my heart for certain people and in fact I do for many. I know in my heart that as GOD has forgiven me for ALL my transgressions and for me to have complete peace and to continue to be forgiven, I must forgive others…right now I am truly having trouble with this. I am hurt right now, very hurt and disappointed in some around me.
Mike was diagnosed a little over a year ago and today is celebrating a birthday that was not promised to him and a birthday we were fearful that he would not see. When Mike was diagnosed, this was to be a time of family and friends to come together and rise above ALL adversity and in the beginning it seemed that way, it seemed GOD was putting just the right people in our lives and at the same time taking the right ones out. As we went through a roller coaster of emotions, ups and downs with this disease, I will be the first to admit my husband was NOT the best person to get along with. His once already short temper personality became a site and not someone that you would enjoy being around – mainly due to the amount of meds and steroids he was on because of chemo and surgery. But I will tell you this, my husband ALWAYS stood accountable for the things he said and did in the earliest days and even the most recent…you know what I am speaking of.
I feel that my trouble today lies with the fact that though we have stood accountable for all we have done, even me, I am surely not innocent in this. I have been hurt and in the midst of that I reached out to others and said some things that I surely cannot take back and have spoken ill of some particular persons, but in return I have STILL stood accountable, even apologized to these persons and admitted.
I feel I am having trouble forgiving, because to this day, though we ALL know the he said / she said, still it seems some of us are NOT accountable for the hateful, mean and even ridiculous accusations of others. It seems that some rather sit in glass houses and throw stones unaware of the consequences of the glass breaking and someone really getting hurt. I feel that I am having trouble with this because for all that has been said between everyone; it does not seem that it has EVER been resolved between the actual parties that were involved. Everyone is begging for forgiveness and for resolution, yet we have continued to reach out and nothing. WE have been accountable for EVERY thing since day one, yet years of hurtful words, accusations and just plain mean has just seemed to be swept under the rug and given the excuse “oh that’s just him/her and how they deal with that”. Well no more, you must one day be accountable. As I write this, I all of a sudden feel much forgiveness in MY heart for you, though I won’t forget, I do forgive you. Man that feels good!
In closing, as I stated before, rather than go on pointing the finger and placing blame upon all others…take a moment, maybe when you are alone, to really dig deep, find that accountability that will set you free. It lies within all of us when we do wrong. Things may never be the same, for I feel GOD has purpose in this chaotic turmoil of sorts and know that as some of us are being torn apart, others are growing stronger and closer than ever before. It is a shame that during this time, rather than set aside all and celebrate with us on Mike’s miraculous recovery, it is the decision to stay away. For this I do not understand, but I do forgive. I can’t say that I will easily forget, for I am only human, but as GOD would want me to, I do forgive.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
I just received word that some of Mike's childhood friends (the same ones who held Mike's benefit last year) want to do another one. It is just a simple BBQ plate benefit to raise money for some outstanding medical bills that are not covered by Insurance.
I know it is short notice, but we hope you can pop in for a plate, a drink and some good company -- we for sure would love to give you ALL a hug and kiss!
Location: Cock-Eyed Seagull -- Date: October 22, 2011 – Saturday
Time: 12:00 PM till The Food, Till ALL is Gone
Address: 1010 E. NASA Parkway, Clear Lake TX 77058
Price: $6.00/BBQ Plates (Brisket, Sausage, Chicken, Ribs and ALL The Fixins’)
Thursday, October 6, 2011
“Looks like we made it ; Look how far we've come my baby, We mighta took the long way; We knew we'd get there someday They said, "I bet they'll never make it"; But just look at us holding on; We're still together still going strong – Shania Twain”
Do you wake up EVER and think of the life you have led the things you have done and even though some good, some bad you still catch yourself asking GOD “What is MY Purpose?” I will admit I have asked myself several times throughout my life. I cannot say I have lived a “perfect” lifestyle by any means…I have made many mistakes and goodness gracious A LOT of bad choices, and yet still GOD has continued to lift me up and put me back on my feet and point me in the direction I need to be.
I have always been an open book, you ask and I will gladly tell. Sometimes maybe I am too honest and very naïve at times, and by sharing things with others, those stories of my life, rather than taken to heart and offered compassion, they were used against me and even used to try to hurt me. For those people, shame on you. Of course with my heart and my strong faith and belief in my LORD above, I have forgiven.
Now this brings me to this day today. It brings me to this journey that Mike and I entered in on July of last year. It literally feels like just yesterday we were sitting in the doctors office receiving the news of Mike’s diagnosis, but yet as I sit here and look at my calendar, it has been a little over a year – WOW! The day we received Mike’s news of the treatment program he was going to be put on and that if this did not work he would be looking at 5 to 6 months to live and not celebrating his birthday in 2011. Well I tell you what; I did not take the news to well. I drove home from work, barely able to see through the tears I was crying and stopped in the grocery store bought the biggest bottle of wine and drove home, grabbed Mike and sat in the back yard till 1 AM, drinking, crying, laughing and sharing stories we had never talked about before. As I looked at the clock and we headed to bed, I looked at him through swollen, blood shot eyes and told him no matter what – from this day moving forward, we are to look at this as a journey and be positive and not sulk nor get depressed, for we do not know at this time why we were chosen, but it is what GOD has given us and he promises to not give us more than we can handle, so obviously we can handle this.
Now I tell you, being a care giver is no easy ride, even for me. I have been poked fun at by many, actually I take that back, only a few, maybe even just one of my KART-Wheel Mentality through this journey – some or maybe even just one may call it complete denial – me, I call it NOT GIVING IN! Since receiving the news yesterday of Mike and the Scans being clean and no signs of Cancer, I have to say the night we sat in the back yard, crying at the moon and guzzling wine, that night we turned it ALL over to GOD and we knew it was going to be ok. I was told yesterday when I was sharing the good news, I said “I am in complete awe, I cannot believe this!” I was told “Lyndie, do not start lying now – you ALWAYS knew mike was going to be healed – you CLAIMED it!” and you know what, you are damn right! I sure did Claim it a year ago and thank YOU JESUS for hearing my shout and my praises along with ALL Prayers!
As I sit here today writing this, I truly know now in my heart that though there are many times I feel that I did not know my purpose, I am glad and thankful that all along GOD knew. I have no doubt that, though I have doubted myself as a care giver many times because of the vast amount of information that is thrown in your lap regarding Cancer and all, I am thankful, SO very thankful that GOD instilled in me the strength, courage and allowed me to NEVER lose my KART-Wheel mentality which has enabled me and now I know, I am and have been the very best caregiver during this time, during this journey that is not quite over yet.
During this time as well, Mike and I though we have a HUGE amount of support and our family and friends have surrounded us with unconditional love, unfortunately we have lost some people along the way, possibly due to miscommunication or just selfishness, but regardless this is something that as I said above, you are forgiven. Though we don’t understand why in the midst of such a roller-coaster of a journey of doubt, fear, happy and sad days, I am again thankful that GOD knew to remove some people at just the right time to ensure not to cloud or fog the path he has placed us on – for you ALL that have stood by our side and have even come back into our lives (You BB!) we are forever grateful for ALL of you combined have surely lighted our path and offered sunshine to warm our skin and our hearts!
In closing, if you catch yourself asking “What is my purpose”, just wait – GOD is there, GOD is good and whether you are 18 or 99, do not lose faith or hope – XOXO
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
“If children have the ability to ignore all odds and percentages, then maybe we can all learn from them. When you think about it, what other choice is there but to hope? We have two options, medically and emotionally: give up, or fight like hell - Lance Armstrong”
I know I have posted this quote A MILLION times, but it is one of my favorites and “Fight Like Hell” is exactly what Mike did!
This email is going to be in usual Lyndie form, you know long and longer, NOPE, I am just sending a message that as of our visit today at MD Anderson the results from Mike’s last PET Scan show, you ready, are you really ready???
NO ACTIVE CANCER ANYWHERE IN HIS SYSTEM!!!! NO LYMPHNODES, NO BONE, NO BRAIN, NO LUNG, NO SPINE, NO WHERE!!!
Now, as per the doctors request, I promised I would not call Mike “Cancer FREE” because it is VERY soon and he has one last mega-chemo today and PET Scan next month, BUT IF there is ANY Cancer remaining in his system, it is TOO small to be seen in a scan or be picked up in any images!!! Well Toot My Horn and call me a tug boat, I Am SO OK with this!!!
Next Tuesday is Mike’s Birthday – this time last year, he was just starting treatment and if it didn’t work, he would not be here today to see THIS birthday – well as Mike says “GOD has other plans for Mike C – and he is no where near through with me yet!”
Mike will continue his brain/spine chemo through the end of the year (per clinical trial) and as I said his last MEGA-chemo is today, then pending next months PET Scan results, that will determine if he continues or goes on maintenance, etc…
My wish at the beginning of the year was for Mike to be healthy and enjoy this upcoming birthday, and it looks as if though GOD is listening (as if we did not know that already) and I have a healthy, happy husband by my side and gets to blow out his birthday candles on this cake!!
To You ALL – Please know in your heart and know the power of prayer. ALL of you, far and wide, family and friends, because of you and your faith in whatever you believe in, you have continued to lift Mike up in spirit and today he continues to be called a miracle by all who know him. We both thank you all for believing in our crazy, optimistic, over the top Kart-Wheel Mentality and loving us unconditionally – it has truly gotten us through one of the toughest times in our life.
The journey does not stop here, it just got a whole lot better!!
Love you ALL